Grief Isn't Just About Death: Understanding Disenfranchised Grief and Other Hidden Losses

When most people hear the word grief, they think of losing someone they love. While the death of a family member or friend is one of the most recognized forms of grief, it is far from the only one.

Many people carry deep grief after experiences that others may not recognize or validate. They may hear comments like, "At least they're still alive," "You should be over it by now," or "It could have been worse." These responses can leave people feeling isolated, misunderstood, and ashamed of their pain.

This type of grief has a name: disenfranchised grief.

At Healing Journey Counseling & Coaching, we believe every loss deserves compassion. Therapy can help you process grief—whether your loss is visible to others or something only you carry.

What Is Disenfranchised Grief?

Disenfranchised grief is grief that isn't openly acknowledged, socially supported, or fully understood by others.

Unlike grief after a death, these losses often go unnoticed because society doesn't always recognize them as "significant enough" to grieve. Yet emotionally, they can be just as painful.

People experiencing disenfranchised grief often struggle with thoughts such as:

• "I shouldn't feel this upset."

• "No one understands."

• "I feel guilty for grieving."

• "Maybe I'm overreacting."

• "I don't have the right to feel this way."

The truth is this: If something mattered deeply to you, it is worthy of grief.

Common Examples of Disenfranchised Grief

Many life experiences can create profound grief, including:

Divorce or the End of a Relationship

Even when ending a relationship is the healthiest choice, people often grieve the future they imagined, shared traditions, and the loss of companionship.

Estrangement from Family

Choosing distance from a parent, sibling, or adult child can be necessary for healing, yet it often comes with sadness, guilt, longing, and unanswered questions. Many people grieve the relationship they hoped they would have—not necessarily the one they actually experienced.

Pregnancy Loss and Infertility

Miscarriage, stillbirth, infertility, failed fertility treatments, or choosing to stop treatment often carry profound grief that can feel invisible to others. Parents frequently mourn not only a child but also the dreams, milestones, and future they imagined.

Chronic Illness or Medical Trauma

A diagnosis can bring grief over the loss of health, independence, identity, or the life you expected to live. Medical trauma may also leave individuals grieving their sense of safety and trust in their own bodies.

Job Loss or Career Changes

Work often provides purpose, identity, community, and financial security. Losing a career—or realizing your dream career no longer fits—can create significant grief.

Moving or Major Life Transitions

Leaving a hometown, changing careers, retirement, children leaving home, or relocating to a new community all involve letting go of familiar routines, relationships, and identities.

Loss of Identity

Many people grieve versions of themselves.

You may grieve:

• The person you were before trauma

• Your identity before becoming chronically ill

• The version of yourself before divorce

• Life before anxiety or depression

• Your younger self and missed opportunities

These losses are real—even if they cannot be seen.

Other Types of Grief

Grief comes in many forms. Understanding them can help normalize your experience.

Anticipatory Grief

This occurs before a loss happens.

Examples include:

• Caring for a loved one with dementia

• Preparing for the death of someone with a terminal illness

• Anticipating divorce

• Watching a parent decline

People often feel guilty for grieving someone who is still alive, but anticipatory grief is a natural response to expected loss.

Complicated Grief (Prolonged Grief)

Sometimes grief remains intensely painful for an extended period and continues to interfere with daily life.

People may experience:

• Persistent yearning

• Difficulty accepting the loss

• Feeling emotionally "stuck"

• Avoiding reminders

• Trouble reconnecting with life

Therapy can provide support in processing grief while helping individuals slowly reengage with life in meaningful ways.

Collective Grief

Communities and families may experience grief together following natural disasters, violence, public tragedies, or widespread societal events.

Ambiguous Grief

Ambiguous grief occurs when there is no clear closure.

Examples include:

• A loved one with Alzheimer's disease

• Addiction

• Missing persons

• Estrangement

• Relationships that never had a clear ending

This uncertainty can make healing especially difficult.

Why Grief Looks Different for Everyone

There is no "right" way to grieve.

Some people cry often.

Others become numb.

Some stay busy.

Others withdraw.

Some feel anger.

Others experience guilt, anxiety, or physical exhaustion.

Grief is deeply personal because every relationship and every loss is unique.

Healing doesn't mean forgetting—it means learning to carry the loss while continuing to live a meaningful life.

How Therapy Can Help with Grief

Many people assume grief is simply something that time heals.

While time matters, healing often happens when grief is acknowledged, expressed, and processed—not ignored.

Grief therapy provides a safe, compassionate space where every loss is welcomed without judgment.

Depending on your needs, therapy may help you:

Process Difficult Emotions

Grief often includes sadness, anger, guilt, fear, relief, regret, confusion, and even moments of joy. Therapy helps make room for the full range of emotions without labeling them as "wrong."

Understand Trauma That May Be Intertwined with Grief

For some people, loss is accompanied by traumatic memories, medical events, sudden death, betrayal, or childhood experiences that intensify the grieving process.

Addressing both trauma and grief can support deeper healing.

Explore Different Parts of Yourself

Using approaches such as Internal Family Systems (IFS), therapy can help you understand the different parts that show up in grief.

You may notice:

• A part that wants to stay strong for everyone else.

• A part that avoids reminders of the loss.

• A part carrying deep sadness or longing.

• A part that feels guilty for moving forward.

Rather than judging these reactions, therapy helps you approach them with curiosity and compassion, creating space for healing instead of internal conflict.

Rebuild Meaning After Loss

Loss often changes our sense of identity, relationships, and future plans.

Therapy supports you in discovering what matters now while honoring what has been lost.

You Don't Need Permission to Grieve

One of the most healing realizations is this:

Your grief does not have to be validated by someone else in order to be real.

Whether you are grieving a person, a relationship, your health, your identity, your dreams, or a future you imagined, your pain deserves compassion.

Every meaningful loss changes us.

Healing doesn't mean pretending the loss never happened.

Healing means learning to carry your story with greater self-compassion, connection, and hope.

Healing Journey Counseling & Coaching

At Healing Journey Counseling & Coaching, we understand that grief is not one-size-fits-all. Our therapists provide compassionate, evidence-based care for individuals experiencing bereavement, trauma, pregnancy loss, relationship loss, medical trauma, life transitions, anxiety, depression, and disenfranchised grief.

Whether your grief is recent or something you've carried for years, you don't have to walk through it alone.

Take the First Step Toward Healing

If you're looking for grief counseling in Colorado or South Dakota, or support for navigating difficult life transitions, our therapists are here to help.

Contact us today to schedule a consultation and begin your journey toward healing, hope, and emotional restoration.